They feel like you have their back, even when they are not asking for it of knowing that they need it. This means that you are looking out for them and their best interest. This goes way past just not being against them. People will trust you when they feel your “intent,” or “motive” is for them. They want to invest when they know their needs are understood, as that begins to give confidence that those needs will be met. In a word, it says, “you care, and want to understand.” No one want to invest with someone who is clueless, or even neutral about their real needs are. When they feel like you are truly interested in their needs and their reality, that you truly understand their business….they take a step towards you. This requires that you are not listening with an answer already in your head, but looking for the reality that they live in. Listening without an agenda….so they know at a very subconscious and visceral level that you “get them.” This takes not only “active listening,” but a deeper listening that is hallmarked by curiosity. Instead of just persuading them, a key sales error as a first step, seek first to understand them. Someone is going to trust you when they think and feel like you understand them and their needs. So, the question becomes, “how? What is trust made of? What drives it and what derails it?” As a leadership coach and consultant, I have seen over and over, that people who generate deep trust deliver in five key areas…which I like to say make up the “anatomy of trust.” For them to make that investment, and make it freely, you must deliver trust….and not just once, but over and over.
Whether with your customer or your team, your partner or your employees….you want them to invest their hearts, minds, energy, and resources with you.
We want people to move towards us, to trust us, because trust fuels investment. When we don’t, we get a very strong message in the opposite direction: “move away.” Every day, in a thousand ways, with every business and personal encounter, we are either deciding to move towards, or move away. The reason? Because trust triggers a signal to our entire being that says “move towards.” When we trust, we move towards the person, the deal, the company, or whatever it is we trust. It turns out that your entire nervous system and brain is wired to always scan the environment, and every person, and ask one question before any other: is it safe? The answer to that one question, a decision that begins in milliseconds, can determine the future of a relationship, a deal, or even an entire company. It always, falls short, and as the neuroscientists tell us, there is good reason. We’ve all heard it….”just trust me.” Like that is supposed to make you jump on board when someone says it.
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